Where I am meant to O-b: Finding myself just in the nick of time.

Hey Y'all..the struggle is real
and so are these boots

As I approach 30, I've  begun to realize that the struggle is real. I recently told two of my early twenty something friends, "hey guys turning 30 is real...its a real thing". Through out my formative years, I recall many milestones, at each I'd ponder turning 30 and wonder if it was as big of a deal as people made it out to be. Each time i'd simply shrug it off and say "I'll never be one of those people who freaks out when they turn thirty." As I grew into an adult I often thought about where I would be and what my life would be like as I trekked into true adulthood leaving my twenties behind with no regrets. I always thought it would be so simple, so easy because age is just a number right?

Wrong, no matter how you see it, something happens when you approach thirty and its more psychological than physical. Sure the aches and pains of aging have certain crept up a time or two and I most definitely  can't handle a hangover like I used to but in general I am actually in the best shape i've ever been in. I am more active now than I was in high school and I am so grateful that my body is keeping up with me as I throw it in to wild yoga poses, run a few miles in the hot sun, or dance for an entire weekend at a festival.  But no, its the mental state I find my self in often that is signifying the most change that comes with age. 30.... 30.....30??? Oh my god I'm going to be thirty years old, most people considered this mid-life, right in the middle which is a pivotal point in any persons life. Surely we'll will probably live passed 60 but those are more the resting years, the winding down time that will ease our bodies to our final days of peace. So here I am in the middle, I guess it's a time for reflection to look back and ask my self, did I do everything I wanted to in my twenties?

I will never be a person who carries regrets with me. I choose to keep in mind that the future is unknown and full of endless possibilities, there is always a chance to make up for lost opportunities. There are so many lessons we learn in our twenties, be it from college, work or simply life experience  that shape who we become as "adults". Some are good, while others are downright awful but all of them are valuable.  There are so many struggles we face as young adults and just like we felt in high school, some times they seem like never ending  catastrophic world ending struggles that are ugh just so hard to fight through. And then we realize, oh wow no big deal...I got through it. Your twenties are about finding your self, becoming who you want to be for the rest of your life. It's a chance to try new things, new places, new friends, all for the sake of finding out who you really are inside and what is really important.

I've been so lucky to have had a partner by my side through it all. Getting married when your twenty-three is a huge risk, everyone tells you to wait or that you're too young, it won't last, y
ou'll change, etc. There are a million and one reasons not to get married, at any age really, but there is always one reason that keeps us together. We love each other, and I believe that we are soul mates because we are way too different to be staying together for complacency. We have passed through the ebb and flow of life over the past 13 years together and have grown in so many ways. Its never been easy, and in these later years its even harder as the truth is; we have changed. But the fact of the matter is, we work it. We will climb any obstacle to make it work, a marriage requires constant care and tending to make it flourish. So here is the answer to anyone who asked the question seven years ago, yes it is possible.

When I thought of my life in terms of aging, planning my future and having expectations and fantasies of the perfect life, I have always known that I can't actually stick to the plan because life does not go according to plan. Sometimes bad things happen that you can't explain but you move forward in life walking in a new direction where, like i've said so many times before, the possibilities are endless. I could never have imagined that I would be here in Ocean beach, in California where I couldn't be happier. I have experienced so many wonderful things during my twenties.
 As a bartender, I have had the fantastic opportunity to make my own flexible schedule, make quick cash when I need it and take time off whenever I wanted to. This has given me time to experience travel, road trips, concerts, festivals you name it.  In my early years, college gave me the space I needed to learn how to utilize my mind in a creative unique way that has shaped the way I see the world and apply it to my own life. I proudly hang my degree, that I'll put to use any day now I swear, and look back on dedication and hard work that it required of me and can honestly say that I accomplished something amazing. I wanted to shake things up and move away from home, and I have found my self here in a constant state of bliss every time I look out my window and hear the ocean.  I realized that if I wanted to do something bad enough that I could make it happen regardless of anyone who said otherwise. Determination is a beautiful byproduct of our young adult hood and once you find it, it makes for a great ally when life gets seriously tough.

Soon the road very soon I will be officially crossing over to the dark side, to join my amazing friends who have proven quite skillfully that it is possible to continue living an inspired life after leaving your twenties behind. Turns out your a lot wiser, a little more clever, and your tolerance is at an all time high like a seasoned pro.   Just like with any crisis, real or imaginary, life continues to move forward and we keep dancing through it.  As long as we choose to walk without a chip on our shoulder, holding on to the past, we will always see the world as if it were new, we will continue to wander and find hidden gems, and we will find wonder in the simple beauty that is just existing.



So do I have any regrets?

Absolutely none.  Everything is as it was meant to be and I couldn't ask for more. Everything will be as it is meant to be and I can trust in that and enjoy the ride. Some days are tough but then there are some days where you find your self totally in balance with the universe. Things just happen in a certain way because they are constantly being set in motion.  If we rush through things without fully experiencing them, we might be missing out on those tiny magical moments woven in the fabric of our lives that are put there for a reason. While on the other end if you are stuck in the past then you will sit and wait for things to come to you, but they will simply pass you by because you won't be ready to take it. In yoga, my instructors will tell us to find the delicate balance of effort and ease.

We need to learn to listen to the cues that tell us to stop and rest or to get off our butt and make some magic happen. I am truly finding my self in a deeper and more meaningful way every day, no point in rushing through this last little sumpin' of my twenties. I will embrace every moment as it comes and find the joy in every day.

Sending positive light & love
T



To anyone who actually takes the time to reading these; thank you so much for caring what I have to say! Secondly, I'd  like to announce that I'd like to take this blog writing in more serious direction and would love your feedback. What works, whats missing, etc...

Of course it will be a work in progress for a while, but I'd really like to start writing with a focus and on a more consistent basis. Here's to growing!

Cheers!
T